Ask any well-read kindergartener
and they’ll rhapsodize on the blueness
of the sky. From the time you’re five
it’s the only thing that’s sure.
But in the life that’s ahead there’s room
for a whole color scale:
you’ll see how big it is in the red-river gash
that opens your knee when you topple
from your bike after passing the science quiz.
There’s cool greens and blues that reflect
in the ocean, which you won’t taste til college
and discover salt belongs in the water.
God’s got a bright orange eye; the same
round and heavy kind you grew in a garden in the South
when you got old enough to start heading down
there. They’ll both peel themselves upon your hand,
and you’ll remember the rainbow you followed from
then to the end.
When we get to paradise
I hope we’ll have sung all our scales, and I promise
the last thing you’ll see
is plain blue.
Hi! This is gorgeous. I love the unexpected twist of God’s orange eye and the flowers peeling away in my hand- surreal and palpable in the same image. Would you mind if I added it to the fiction|poetry challenge for which I’m an editor? You’ll get some feedback from other writers and poets and probably some followers too. Here’s last week’s challenge: http://yeahwrite.me/fiction-poetry-writing-challenge-219/. Just let me know!
LikeLike
You can absolutely include this in a writing challenge, I would be honored!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great! Paste this code into the “HTML” tab of your post (but delete the carats before “a href” and “img” before you do. I just put those in so the badge won’t show up here):
Once you do that, I’ll do the rest. Submissions are open till tomorrow night. If you have time, come back Thursday to read the other fiction|poetry entries, comment on some of them, and vote for your favorite three. Feel free to ask me any questions. I’m Nate. We announce winners on friday at the same website: yeahwrite.me. Good luck!
LikeLike
Hah! That didn’t work. So, go here please: http://yeahwrite.me/fiction-poetry-writing-challenge-220/. Copy and paste the code under the fiction|poetry badge on the right into the HTML tab on your post.
LikeLike
This is genius work.
LikeLike
I agree with Nate – the stanza about God’s eye is lovely (though I read it as an orange, not a flower). But I really love the opening stanza – the way you captured the confidence of a kindergartner. Really nicely done. Hope to see more of you at yeah write!
LikeLike
Oh, right. Duh, Nate, “peel.”
LikeLiked by 1 person
I also found the “orange” stanza very striking, and I kept going back to this: “and discover salt belongs in the water.”
LikeLike
Hi there. Congrats on your votes in our challenge. Hopefully you saw a spike in views and got some good feedback. Please join us again. We’re always excited to read talented poets.
LikeLike